Opals and Bonobos

Disclaimer: My intent is not to criticize growth mindset as initially intended, but to criticize the version of straw growth mindset that has become a rationalist meme, particularly by pointing out its relation to some of the problems we have on the community level. "Growth mindset" ranges from a sort of rallying cry to a "that's what she said" sort of joke, depending on what crowd you run with, but underneath all of this is an attitude that we can get better. We use the phrase to lift ourselves up, to tell ourselves that no matter what our current problems, we can grow and become stronger. We treat technology similarly; someday, our cars will drive us and death will be cured. In the future, things will be better -- assuming X-risk doesn't take us all out first. Sadly, this mindset seems to leave little room for the struggling. "Growth mindset" gets used to mean "everything is good and getting better" rather than "bad things are...

During a discussion on how to make the rationalist community more "Hufflepuff", the idea was brought up to define what "more Hufflepuff" even means. Words like cooperation, loyalty, diligence, and empathy were written down. As the list grew longer, I realized they all fit one or two of three categories: relational, emotional, and action. These are the three states that Hufflepuffs are most valued for. Loyalty is a relational state, while diligence is an action state. Meanwhile, cooperation is a blend of action and relational, and empathy is a blend of emotional and relational. The fourth state (cognitive) is more or less what the community was founded on, so it makes sense that the other three are where the community is lacking. People and communities often pick a state to prioritize, letting others fall by the wayside. My experience with other communities show that the cognitive state is often deprioritized, which is why it makes sense that there would be demand...

The Center for Applied Rationality has given its alumni a number of excellent tools to work on their bugs. Going through a workshop myself, I found that a lot of these tools are similar to therapeutic techniques, just reformatted to fit a more self-help-y context. Going through the workshop as a therapist, I had two goals: learn to use these techniques myself, and learn the translation between therapeutic technique and self help (in both ways!). As a therapist, it is useful to take self help techniques and turn them into something you can use in the room with a client. Similarly, it is useful to be able to take a therapeutic technique and find a way for the client to do it themselves at home. After all, the ultimate goal of a therapist is to get their clients to a space where they don't need therapy. Just as translating therapy to self help is useful for ending therapy, translating self help to therapy is useful in beginning. When I begin seeing a client, one of my first questio...

When a good friend expresses that they are facing tough times, we may feel an impulse to reach out and help. However, unless this is someone you are particularly close to, you may not know how. So if you tell them that you want to support them, then they'll just reach out whenever they need support, right? Well, not exactly. A person who is struggling isn't necessarily going to reach out, and those who do are more likely to reach out to those closest to them -- a partner or best friend. A generic offer of help doesn't often do much because it doesn't let the person know how you want to help. You could be imagining yourself as a shoulder to cry on for a recent divorcee, while what they may really need is a place to stay or help moving. They may choose to not ask for help if they fear rejection, or may ask you to help with one of those things, only to result in an awkward conversation due to differences in expectation. So how do you ensure you actually  get to help you...