Opals and Bonobos

When a good friend expresses that they are facing tough times, we may feel an impulse to reach out and help. However, unless this is someone you are particularly close to, you may not know how. So if you tell them that you want to support them, then they'll just reach out whenever they need support, right? Well, not exactly. A person who is struggling isn't necessarily going to reach out, and those who do are more likely to reach out to those closest to them -- a partner or best friend. A generic offer of help doesn't often do much because it doesn't let the person know how you want to help. You could be imagining yourself as a shoulder to cry on for a recent divorcee, while what they may really need is a place to stay or help moving. They may choose to not ask for help if they fear rejection, or may ask you to help with one of those things, only to result in an awkward conversation due to differences in expectation. So how do you ensure you actually  get to help you...

Some call it The Honeymoon Phase or puppy love. Others mix it in with infatuation or limerence. Views on new relationship energy (NRE) vary, from seeing it as immature to completely normal to a little unhealthy. Regardless, NRE distorts your perception of the person you've just started dating. This can be thrilling, though at times a little scary. It feels like living in an illusion that you know is going to be shattered sooner or later. The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon (also called the Frequency Illusion) is what happens when you learn about something new, then start to see it everywhere. There is a lot of similarity between what happens here and in NRE, to the extent where NRE can effect your emotions in the same way that Baader-Meinhof effects your mind. It is the feeling of every love song reminding you of your new beau, or every book, movie, and band you like seeming like something to recommend to them. This is also partly because NRE is often when you learn the most about a p...